In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion on this?
In the Third World, children are usually sent to factories for labor work. Many people believe that is merely exploitation, while others think it is good opportunities for them to have life experience. In any case, children have their right to live and study in peaceful conditions. Therefore, using them as labor force is considered an unacceptable action.
First of all, children are not workers. They have just known about the vast world and do not have any experiences as well as conceptions about working. Since these innocent children are naive and lack of life experiences, they are easily cheated and exploited. There are a lot of examples about this in poor nations. Because using children is cheap and easily to control, many enterprises hire them with a little money paid. Although the government in these countries has tried their best, this kind of taking advantage of children cannot be eliminated.
Moreover, children do not need such things called �valuable work experience� or �important for learning and taking responsibility�. The brief responsibility of children is learning. They are not old enough to understand what working experiences are. Nevertheless, they can help parents do chores or housework. This will be much better way for them to become more responsible for family. In addition, childhood is one of the most remarkable memories and must not be taken by forcing them to work.
In conclusion, since all children are the great concern of parent and society, they should be allowed to enjoy life and educated rather than encouraging them to work. Hence, one must ponder what view is actually appropriate for the sake of children.
This is a good essay. It covers the task, the paragraphs are coherent, the sentences are well-structured and the vocabulary is adequate. However a little structural change in the paragraphs is required � first make the point (such as “Some say that children should learn about earning money” and then oppose to it “However, children can not be compared to adult workers”). Also, there were some inaccuracies (see comments underlined in blue). Overall, looks like a Band 6.5 essay.
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