سه شنبه 6 خرداد 1399.
امروز :

IELTS Essay, topic: Women in power

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.

 

The inequality between men and women is always a significant issue in their society. Besides that, it is undeniable that most vital positions in companies are taken by male not female. Therefore, there exist a statement that companies should allocate to women a certain number of these positions. However, I do not totally agree with this requirement.

 

In some feudal countries, it was true to say that the society favour the male, and at that time the inequality occurred extremely. Up to the present moment, it stills to happen in some developing countries; also it is greatly involved to women’s right. A huge number of women in these countries are not allowed to go to work or even go to public place. In this case, this is not an individual issue, but it is a social problem. The governments should have some solution to react with this tendency, and at the same time they should promulgate a new legislation to protect women’s right.

 

On the other hand, the global economy is developed rapidly nowadays. In most corporations, they do not distinguish men or women; they only focus on working efficient. In this world, any employees who own enough abilities and work in an effective way, that person will be promoted to a high position. Therefore, allocating for women the high level positions in companies is not necessary. Moreover, the evidence of women takes place in an essential position cannot count by fingers. Those women are very successful in their work and their lives.

 

In conclusion, although the inequality between men and women is improved, it still is a social issue worth to concern. Personally, in my opinion we should create many opportunities for women to have an equal life as we can.

 

This essay needs some work. It has a good structure, the paragraphs are coherent, the usage of linking words is sufficient and the task is covered. On the other hand, the grammar needs much attention, the structure of the sentences should be worked on and there were some unclear expressions used. See comments underlined in blue for more details. Overall, looks like a Band 6 essay.

 

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